That’s what the scale in my room at the Hotel Marina El Cid Spa & Beach Resort in Mexico’s Mayan Riviera read when I bellied up to it.
And that was before I even ate a morsel.
I’m not telling you what the scale read after my stay, but let’s just say I’m grateful they splurged on a sturdy model — I developed an acute case of Resort Mouth while I was there.
So what exactly is Resort Mouth?
Synonymous with Gob Stuffing, Kisser Cramming, Muzzle Gorge, Beak Binge and the rather clinical-sounding All-inclusivitis (I think that may even be Latin), Resort Mouth is that propensity to eat (and of course drink) everything that’s laid out before you.
Ellen Degeneres used to do a stand-up bit about eating popcorn at the movies – buying a supersized bucket, shoving fistfuls of it down your gob, but then scrambling to find the smallest spec of popcorn that slips from your fingers onto your lap. It’s Gluttony 101.
Resort Mouth is like that, albeit much grander on the overindulgence scale. And here, you’re not limited to popcorn, the buckets are endless, and the fistfuls keep coming as long as you keep shoving. It’s heaven even for a non-foodie like me. Or hell if you’re on a diet.
There is a stellar gym if you’re so inclined, and of course plenty of spa possibilities to soothe your guilty inner glutton, but let’s be realistic – you’re on vacation. Food is not a four-letter word here.
On a number of occasions I’ve mocked all-inclusives by saying, “Nothing says adventure like a neon wristband.” I may have to rethink my position on that one. At a resort like El Cid, the adventure you see, is in your mouth.
And that’s an experience everyone should have.
Disclosure: I was a guest of the Hotel Marina El Cid Spa & Beach Resort but they did not ask that I write a favourable review or gain untold pounds during my stay.