SeaWorld Orlando: Dolphins vs. Whales
There’s something vaguely smug about dolphins. That eternal smirk. Those DiCaprio-esque dimples. That glossy coat. Is it even called a coat? Probably not. In any case, they are just too shiny. Too smarmy. Too…perfect. That’s it. They’re too perfect.
They’ve got to be up to something.
If you look closely, this fella even has a sparkle on his forehead.
How is that even possible?
If the dolphin is the Leonardo DiCaprio of the deep, its cohort at the Blue Horizons Show at SeaWorld Orlando – the false killer whale – is more like a young Lyle Lovett. Unquestionably talented. Cringingly disproportionate. And oh-so British in the teeth department.
Toss in a face only a mother, or Julia Roberts (or a hungry Eskimo) could love, and you’ve got a beast that’s got underdog written all over it.
Still, everyone loves an underdog. And I am no exception. So when Aeroplan gave me a ticket to check out SeaWorld Orlando, I headed over to the Whale and Dolphin Theater to watch these two mammoth talents go head-to-head. Or snout-to-snout.
I’m calling this one Leo vs. Lyle.
The backdrop for this mammalian match is the Blue Horizons set, designed by the same chap who did Beauty and the Beast on Broadway.
The show kicks off with some A Whole New World-ish type music and a vague plot of a girl who discovers something or other about the sea. Or is it the sky? Or maybe it’s both. I can’t recall. In any case, later there will be acrobats and exotic birds to distract you.
But it’s the bottlenose dolphins and the false killer whales that everyone, including me, is here to see.
First up are the dolphins.
I could have sworn I heard this guy shouting, “I’m the king of the world!”
Smug little bastard.
There are the requisite jumps and splashes. Sometimes solo…
…sometimes in unison.
Show-offs.
The only time I feel bad for these pompous porpoises is when a trainer sewn into a dolphin-coloured wetsuit straddles a couple and takes ‘em for a ride.
Ouch. That’s gotta hurt.
I mean, who would want to be seen with anyone wearing an outfit like that?
Still, the crowds ate it up.
The false killer whales were not spared the embarrassment either.
But our pal Lyle gets his revenge – eventually flinging Little Miss Too Much Makeup into the heavens.
Okay that bit is part of the act, but still, I can’t help but feel the whale derived some sort of gratification by tossing her skyward. I know I would.
Lyle certainly looks like he’s celebrating.
So who wins? Leo or Lyle?
It’s just a show people. Let’s not try to read too much into it.
Although I do believe the trainer in pink did mouth the words, “Leo’s got nothing on you Lyle.”
Aeroplan members can redeem 13,500 miles for a SeaWorld Aquatica Orlando Combo Pass – one of the many experiential rewards available from the Aeroplan rewards website.
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Congratulations, you managed to insult the British, Julia Roberts, hungry Eskimos and the entire Dolphin population while making me shoot my drink out my nose from laughing so hard. Great post man.
Haha!! Thanks! I’m an equally opportunity offender.
“false” killer whales? Huh? I’ve never even heard of such. Being from the PNW (Seattle) I’m quite familiar with “true” killer whales (orcas) – black and white, not all dark like your “false” whales (and I day say better teeth, as well)
Actually, (sigh…) your muttering this morning forced (I say, FORCED) me to tiresomely Google these upstart creatures posing as TRUE killer whales, and… I discovered two highly intriguing additional facts:
1. false killers and orcas are (surprisingly) “not closely related”; and
2. Apparently “A false killer whale and a bottlenose dolphin mated in captivity and produced a fertile calf.[3] The hybrid offspring has been called a ‘wholphin’.”
So question izzz… did you happen to see any little “wholphins” frolicking about?
Hee hee — I had to Google “false killer whales” too, just to be sure SeaWorld knew what they were talking about.
Alas, the wholphin was born at San Diego’s SeaWorld and not the one in Orlando.
BAHAHAHA… I’m dying here – DiCaprio-esque dimples, Leo vs Lyle, Miss Too Much Makeup – it’s pure genius. Congratulations, you’ve managed to make me want to see such a showdown. What a hoot!
Awesome! Thanks Kieu — much appreciated!!
Ah dyanne beat me to the wholphin… I suppose that would be like a Gary Busey.
Or a Tori Spelling.
You’ve put my Seaworld post to shame. Best thing I’ve read all week. *high five*
It’s not a competition Leo…err, I mean Candice.
Glad you liked it!!
Hahaha…one witty post indeed…haha…I guess dolphin shows don’t really have to be boring !
Thanks Fede! It was a pretty cool show…
You are so mean
I found Lyle’s darker shade to be much more alluring. Great shots! This must’ve been an exciting show.
I am mean!
Glad you liked it Sherry…
You are brilliant. This post is brilliant. And, now I love whales even more.
Hee hee — Thanks D!!!
I am just amazed by the pattern of that woman’s wetsuit.
I’m sure if you really want one it’s available in the gift shop.
Oh man, those last 2 photos in succession make it look like the wholphin jumped out of the water and onto the platform. PLOP.
Oh my achin’ udder. Wait — wholphins don’t have udders. Never mind…
I CANNOT believe you called dolphins smarmy. And I bet you photoshopped that sparkle in, amirite? Harumph.
They’re smarmy, and even worse — they’re glib!
And I am too cheap to pay for Photoshop. The pic is unaltered.
You’re opening paragraph is pretty much the best thing in opening paragraphs, ever. Love your relentless humor, Raymond!
Thanks Kristin!! That means a lot coming from a pro like you!
Dolphin is my favorite animals. I have a bunch of dolphin stuff in my room. They look so kind, cute and lovable.
Your post is awsome, but I still prefer dolphins rather than whales, though they’re both amazing!
They are both tasty options. I mean cute…yes, cute.
I love this, dolphins are so beautiful.
They are the sweetest of the sweet.
Wow perfect pictures!
Thanks Rose! Much appreciated!
Great shots. What camera settings are you using for the shots? They are perfect
Thanks Eileen — I actually used just the “action” setting on my Pentax. But I have a decent zoom lens and I shoot in RAW format to get better quality.
I live in Vancouver. We have lots of orca whales here.
However, I\’d like to say that I recently learned about what it really means for these animals to be in captivity and how the end up there – not fun.
I like to look at them, but I feel bad for them to be not free.
Jessica
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